the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
