remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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