don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
