Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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