I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm having to shit out rocks
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