Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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