I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
