Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
