you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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