My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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