Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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