so that wasnt chicken after all
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vagina is officially offended.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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