DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
