She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
