He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
