I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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