captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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