Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
