This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize