If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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