i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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