I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You ruined the universe
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
