Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
