I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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