every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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