Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
