yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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