so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
