I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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