I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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