Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
