the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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