We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
