mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
