Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
