our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
