He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
