Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
