Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize