Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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