I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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