why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
