I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
