week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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