Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
