Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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