I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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