Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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