Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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