Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
