Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
