I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
