life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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