Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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