Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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