Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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