so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
