I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
