I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
