whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
