Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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