i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
40s are totally the cure
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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