Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
