Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
