walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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