I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
