Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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