sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
