Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
