4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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