This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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