Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
