She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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