how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
