People with herpes should wear stickers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
