love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
