I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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