I just made out with a guy for $7.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
