the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
