He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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