i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
