I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
