I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
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girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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